Not “Momming” Today

“Momming”, I may have just made that word up but for real, I’m not into it today! It was a rough morning in our house.  Kaleb was asked to take the trash out before school and he apparently took great offense to my request so early in the morning and proceeded to react in a way that was not acceptable and scored him a few not fun consequences!  When I became a mom to a school age child, I decided that I would do my best to ensure his school day started off the best way possible, full of love, reassurance and most of all no yelling.  Any negative issues that occur in the rush of school mornings I would wait to address until after school.  I would say on the whole I abide by this most everyday BUT today… not so much.

Do you ever feel responsible for ruining your kids life because they misbehaved and you handled it wrong???  I felt this way today.  When I asked Kaleb to take the trash out his immediate response was unacceptable equally my response to his reaction was not acceptable.  When we got in the car I let him know exactly how I felt about his behavior and what ALL of the consequences would be starting the moment he got out of school.  His response….SILENCE….I hate silence!  When we got to school he got out of the car and nothing was said…we always say have a good day and I love you.  Not today…he shut the door quickly and no one said anything.  My heart hurt while pulling away.

Overall Kaleb is a great kid, I don’t have to get on him to much so today took me back.  This week has been a bit different than most….he’s been working my nerves y’all!  His lackluster behavior and quick to act out attitude has been a challenge.  I have asked him over and over, “Is something bothering you?  What’s wrong?  Why are you acting this way?”, to only get this little response’ “NOTHING MOM”.  I know it’s something and in time he will tell me but not right now.   I admit I totally handled this morning wrong but in the moment of running late I was shocked and mad and I wanted to quit….DO WHAT YOU WANT, BE A BRAT, I DON’T CARE, are all the things I thought but didn’t really mean.  Silly moments like these make me question the whole MOM thing.  Am I doing it right?  Am I asking to much?  Am I being to hard on him?  Am I building him up or tearing him down?  Am I even qualified to be a mom?

Tommy shared a video with me this morning that was so timely and very profound for this season.   I have attached the link below.  This video is from the man who killed Osama Bin Laden.  He discussed the hours of training, role playing, drills, and discussions they went through to prepare for this mission.  He also discussed the reality of the mission, almost certain death and defeat.

 

This video has nothing to do with being a mom but I feel God used it to speak to me in the middle of my “mom pity party”!  How often do we as mom’s say, “I can’t, there is someone else more qualified for this mom thing. I’m gonna screw it up…broken kid, broken adult”?  We get pregnant, we read books, take classes, listen to mom and grandma’s parenting advice and babysit everyone’s kids to prepare.   Baby comes and we are prepared and ready…then everything falls apart in one second.  On most days I feel I have the hang of this mom gig.  I feel equipped and confident that I am a decent mom.  In one tiny moment the enemy can use something so dumb as trash to try and take that from me!

I text Kaleb after I drove off.  I reminded him that I love him not matter what.  This evening I will not only address his behavior but mine too.  One of the most important things I know I have to remember in these moments was said right in the video, “You are not having a bad life you are having a bad day.” .  I’m not a bad mom, I am just having a bad day.  Kaleb is not a bad kid, he’s just having a bad day.  Kaleb is a gift, a gift Christ entrusted to me almost 14 years ago.  He knew I would be Kaleb’s mom and he knew I was the perfect mom for him.  He knew I wouldn’t handle every situation perfectly but that I was perfectly imperfect for this mom thing.

Being a mom is the hardest most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I know I am not the only one to struggle with “Momming”.  If you too are on the “Momming” struggle bus I hope you find encouragement in this blog.  I hope you see that you are not alone and that we all have moments of mommy failure!  We must stay focused and never quit!  We must try to be the best mom we can be and humble ourselves in the moments we fail to do that.  I challenge you to chose one area you struggle with in parenting and be diligent in trying to do better for yourself and your kiddos.  I know I am going to.  We can do this!

I hope you have an amazing weekend.  If you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen or just a mommy to relate to, I am here!  We are in this together.  Mom tough!  Let’s do this!

It’s What Mom’s Do.

I went last week to my routine nail appointment.  I was busy chatting with my nail lady when half way into my appointment a young mom came in and sat in the chair next to mine.  She had a stroller with the cutest chubby cheeked baby in it.  I overheard her telling her nail tech that her husband had been deployed and was returning home the following day and she was “getting presentable”.  A few minutes into the appointment her baby started to get fussy and discontent with her seat in the stroller.  You could tell mom was starting to get anxious and began to apologize to those of us around her.  We all reassured her it was ok.  As each minute passed, baby screams got louder.

Now we all know I am not usually fond of kids…especially screaming, crying ones! For some reason that day my usual annoyance was replaced with deep empathy.  You could tell this mama was TIRED, OVERWHELMED, and just ready for help. I leaned over for some baby talk and the little girl immediately stopped crying and was entertained for the time being.   As I finished up my nails and got ready to move over for my pedicure the little girl started to get upset again.  The overwhelmed mom said to her nail tech,  “I am so sorry but we may have to stop, I don’t think she’s going to cooperate.  I had asked my mom to keep her but she doesn’t like to help me much and I knew bringing her here was a mistake.”.

As I gathered my things to move over to the pedi chairs, I felt compelled to offer help.  I looked over to her and said, “Can I hold her while you finish getting your nails done?”, the mom looked up at me and said, “She will likely cry.  She never lets anyone but me hold her but you can certainly try.” , so I picked her up walked over to my pedicure chair and she didn’t cry!!!  We baby chatted, watched a little Barney and all was well.  About 10 minutes in I hear her nail tech asking her what’s wrong as she wiped her tears.  I thought, oh crap I have offended her!!! She looked over at me with tears in her eyes and said,  “THANK YOU”, turned back around and told her nail tech, “I’m just emotional because I am pregnant and used to being alone and not having help but this stranger is holding my baby and she’s not crying and I am able to get my nails done without worrying about her crying and bothering other people.”.  Y’all I almost lost it!  I was just holding a cute baby getting routine services I get every other week.  Honestly my quick thought process was this…I am not trying to hear this kid cry my entire pedicure.  I get shellac so my nails are dry, she’s getting regular polish so there is no way she can hold that baby and dry her nails too, and it’s a pedicure I can hold this kid…she’s lucky she’s cute!  BUT for this TIRED MAMA it meant the world!

As I finished my pedicure, mama was finishing up too, I took the baby over to her and she said “let me pay for your pedicure since you practically babysat my child the entire thing”,  I said no mam’, THIS IS WHAT MOM’S DO, WE HELP EACH OTHER and I gave her her baby and turned around to pay my check and leave.  As I was walking out the door, I turned around to say bye and our eyes met again, I looked at this tired mama and I said, “YOU’VE GOT THIS….EVEN ON THE DAYS YOU THINK YOU DON’T.“.  Y’all she starting crying and I almost did too!

I have thought of this day since it happened.  I have no idea what she was going through but you could see it in her eyes.  It was pain and it was tired.  There are moments when we can sense a strangers pain and how often do we just go on about our business?  How often do we stop and take the time to care???  I know I don’t very often.  Between my inability to be on time to anything, my career, family and son’s crazy sport schedule,  I rarely have a second to spare.

I realized something that day.  I felt a strangers pain and there was a small token of kindness I could offer her.  I was late getting to dinner with Tommy, Kaleb and my brother BUT we got there…we didn’t starve…no one was really affected by my extra time spent at the nail salon.  I can’t do that every time BUT it doesn’t hurt every now and again to just stop and care for a second.   I struggle with empathy, on both sides.  I don’t give it and I don’t receive well.  I feel like it’s no my problem and it’s certainly not yours either.  It’s not that I am this big ole meanie, I am just far less sensitive than others and I struggle to relate to feelings…I am not empathetic.

The old saying rings true “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Be kind”.   Understand not everyone is hurting and going through major life battles but some may be battling a small but annoying battle.  While I feel you should have balance with empathy, there is always some to give.  I still have no idea what that mama was going through but I was kind and I know that it was appreciated.  So I challenge you to take the time this week to engage in random kindness.  Maybe it’s a stranger, maybe it’s someone you know.  I promise it will make you feel GREAT!  Share with me the outcome.   I would love to celebrate with you.   I am making a conscious effort to be kind again too…this is hard for me so I will keep you posted on how it goes!

Lastly, I want you to remember, YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME!  If you’re tired and just need a break, holler at me.  Well only holler if your kids are cute….HA HA JUST KIDDING…REALLY, I’m kidding on that part!  For really reals….Mama’s gotta stick together, help each other out…IT’S JUST WHAT MAMA’S DO!

Will you leave Earth better than you found it?

Tommy and I spent the last 4 days in Las Vegas.  A trip we take every year, sometimes more.  We love Las Vegas.  For us, a guaranteed few days of careless fun.  I had no idea this trip would be so profoundly different.

We landed Friday evening, got in our rental car and headed towards Las Vegas Blvd.  At the South end of the strip is the famous Las Vegas sign.  There is always lots of traffic no matter the time, people wanting their picture by the sign.  Friday was different.  No one taking pictures rather a somber quiet crowd, walking through a candle lit memorial of crosses displaying the names and pictures of all of the victims.  As we continued to drive just a bit further, we saw entire block of crime scene tape blocking off the location of the shooting… a senseless crime.

On Saturday night we drove down to the sign/memorial.  As we walked through we paused at each sign to read the notes and learn about the victim.  My heart broke as I read messages of love and sadness from children to their mom or dad and parents to their sons and daughters, husbands and wives, friends and loved ones.   I felt such sadness as I processed the fact that none of these individuals planned to die that night.  Most thought they would hear a good concert and go home or back to their hotel and carry on with life as normal.  But one man, driven by hate, took that from them…each and every one of them.

Fast forward to Monday night.  I get a text message saying there has been a shooting at Texas Tech University.   Turns out a student was being detained for drugs and shot the police officer.   This was an isolated incident and only one life was lost BUT again, a senseless crime.  Now his wife will navigate life with her two daughters  without their daddy.   It’s heartbreaking.

I haven’t blogged since this summer.  As a family, we walked through an odd season the last few months and I just didn’t feel like it, ya know?  Today was different.  As I hurried through the piles of work on my desk from being off, music playing on my phone in the background, the song Better Than I Found It came on.  My eyes immediately filled with tears.  I asked myself, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO LEAVE IT BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT?”.   I knew I couldn’t be silent.

There is so much hate in the world.  As the mother of an interracial child, a best friend to a gay man, and close friends with many different races and people of other religions, I see it first hand daily.  BUT….I will be a light. I will love and not hate.  I will stand up without fear or hesitation to any hate in my world.  I will respectfully disagree while holding tight to my morals and values, without hating or hurting those who don’t see it my way.  I want to be a part of the change this world so desperately needs.

The issues we face aren’t political.  They aren’t religious.  They aren’t issues of gun control.  They aren’t issues of skin color.  They are HEART issues.  People are hurting.  They are searching for a place to belong.  Life is hard.  The world can be a mean and lonely place.   We must find our way back to loving one another.  You don’t have to like and and support everyone in everything BUT we do have to have respect for humanity.

I challenge each of you reading this to be the light.  Be the change the world needs.  Leave race, religion, and politics at the door and go back to the basics of LOVE.  Agree to disagree without violence or hate.   1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. IT DOES NOT DISHONOR OTHERS, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”.                      LEAVE EARTH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT.

If you are struggling down the road of life and need someone to talk to, pray for you or just simply be there, I am here.  Don’t go it alone.  There are also many resources in Lubbock and online to assist you through your journey if you aren’t comfortable reaching out in your own circle.  Life is better with friends.  LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!